I’m so bad at this meditation thing. I forget, and can’t find any quiet time (which is crap, from the time the girls go to bed around 7:30-8, and when Justin gets home at 9-10 is plenty of time….I’m just distractable…) Meditation is hard. It’s hard to find a place to do it where I won’t be distracted every five seconds…. so……
I do it in the bathtub. I run a bath as hot as the fires of Mordor and lay down in it….and put my head as far under as I can and all I can hear is the tub running… and it’s so peaceful. The noise of the water running blocks out the sounds of the neighbors stomping up and down the stairs, neighbors coming and going and the wally dog pacing the floor waiting for her daddy to come home…. It’s not long, but it’s… SOMETHING.
I have a birthday party thing at a bar around the corner from my house, I plan on putting lots of toxic things in my body… and I know I’m going to feel terrible afterwards. Any time I go out and drink and smoke (I only smoke when I drink and then my sinuses are ENRAGED at me for DAYS.) I feel like I have this film over my skin, I feel gross and covered in funk. So the week after my party, during my PAID VACATION ( or, staycation, since I’m not going anywhere) I plan on doing a fast/cleanse. I feel like it’s time. I keep getting weird bumps and irritations constantly and my skin isn’t up to par….so a cleanse will be good. Get some toxins out, get centered, get some of me back. Maybe I can make myself stay off this damned computer more…. I spend way too much time on it. I should be reading, or drawing or burning, or sanding… so much I could be doing…. Nope, just play on the damned computer. Bleh….
Anyway I am looking forward to this plan, I feel really positive about it.
I keep sitting outside myself in conversations and watching things… and it people’s merciless judgements of others overwhelms me. Not just, joking fun, thats cool, but things like ‘oh I can’t believe she wore that’…. or generalizing… it’s weird how little I noticed it before…. but here’s the catch, the trick is, to not judge someone for judging someone… so hard. To look at everyone though the eyes of love if a difficult task indeed…. I’m trying so so hard.
